An Author’s Dubious Search History

Authors are a hindrance to anti-terror efforts all over the world.

Why? Because of this:

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Due to our Google searches, authors must make up a good 70% of anti-terror watch lists. And while we’re being investigated for searching Does Quicklime Really Dissolve Corpses Quickly?, the real terrorists and criminals are getting away with it.

By the way, when your colleagues are discussing TV shows, don’t jump in with, “Actually, that’s not accurate. It takes several minutes of continuous inhalation for chloroform to render a victim unconscious. And also, strangling somebody is nowhere near as easy as TV makes it look.” You’ll suddenly find that nobody wants to work on 1:1 projects with you.

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In my file alone, there are search records including:

1. What’s the parasite that swims into the penis?

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Books

My first novel is UNTOUCHABLE, a contemporary romance set in London.

Rachel Shaw is destined to be a spinster cat lady, even though she’s only twenty-three and only has one cat – so far. She suffers from crippling contact phobia, thanks to growing up with junkies tainting her drug-addict mother and their home with grubby hands. Intimacy is out of the question, and she can’t imagine why anybody asks for it.

Her one shot at love is Alex Graham, the only man she’s ever trusted enough to touch. He respects her boundaries without question. He lets her get snot on his expensive shirts when she cries at sad movies. He even gives her the courage to stand up to her bullying boss.

Alex is as protective of his heart as she is of her body. She trusts him instinctively but he’s evasive about everything: his strangely-shaped scars, the business trips that leave him drained and haunted, the circumstances of his father’s death. Maybe he’ll let her into his world if she lets him into her personal space.

As they begin testing their boundaries, Alex’s double life catches up with him. A stranger arrives with score to settle, whispering Alex’s damning secrets into Rachel’s ear. Perhaps her 6’5” gentle giant isn’t so gentle. Perhaps his trips are personal rather than business. Perhaps everything he ever told her was a lie – maybe even when he claimed he wasn’t falling in love with her.

A second novel is in progress. Ally Rivers has fallen in love… with her BFF’s father.